Just a few weeks after Russian President Vladimir Putin used the annual Victory Day celebration to show off the Russian military’s newest weaponry and equipment, the he Russian Ministry of Defense is unloading thousands of pieces of not-so-modern gear.
in what it is characterizing as an auction of “unprecedented generosity,” the ministry is selling off a huge number of surplus items, including vehicles, old clothes and some seriously not-seaworthy-looking ships. In a tongue-in-cheek announcement on its Facebook page, the Ministry took the tone of a particularly enthusiastic used car salesman, pitching “frankly old, but quite functional” equipment that buyers could snap up on an “extreme shopping spree.”
The Ministry of Defense even took to Twitter to advertise some of the more interesting items in the 102-page catalog.
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There’s this (actually pretty awesome-looking) cooking trailer:
#ПокупайВоенное Приготовить шашлыки на 130 друзей с прицепной кухней КП-130. Незаменимый аксессуар активного отдыха! pic.twitter.com/s5fzFBRDXO
— Минобороны России (@mod_russia) June 10, 2015
(Rough translation: Barbeque with 130 friends with trailer kitchen KP-130. An indispensable accessory for active recreation!)
#ПокупайВоенное Телогрейки снова в моде: винтажные ватные пиджаки на любой вкус. Остерегайтесь французских подделок! pic.twitter.com/YksalDmYaI
— Минобороны России (@mod_russia) June 10, 2015
(Rough translation: Jackets are in fashion again: vintage cotton jackets for every taste. Beware of French counterfeits!)
Sometimes, though, you got the feeling that whatever private got ordered to go out and take the photos for the catalog didn’t really have his heart in it. Some of the pictures in the catalog wouldn’t pass muster on Craigslist. For instance, it’s a little difficult to get a good sense of what these army dress boots really look like in this shot:
And this winter jacket might sell better if it were modeled by an attractive soldier rather than being flung down on a concrete floor.
But even the most talented marketing pro would have a hard time making some of the merchandise look appealing.
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What am I bid for this wooden crate of rusty old mufflers that look as though they were left out in the rain?
And how about this “floating crane” that doesn’t really float so well anymore?
Then there’s this decommissioned cable-laying ship. It’s hard to make out the details, but it’s also hard to blame the photographer for not wanting to take one step further onto that dock.
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In addition to the barbecue gear touted by the Ministry of Defense on Twitter, the auction offers a large number of food preparation items that “promise to cause rabid excitement” among prospective buyers, according to the ministry. Indeed, who could resist this attractive rolling oven?
Or this fully-equipped field bakery?
And finally, for the military surplus enthusiast who has bought up enough gear to outfit his own private army, the ultimate topper: A Russian general’s hat.
(Hurry! Only 1,655 left in stock.)
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